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| it's thursday. and i'll be married on sunday.
am i ready for this? is one ever ready? what does it mean to be ready for marriage?
everything is happening so fast and i'm struggling to pause for a moment so that damn it, i could enjoy a bit of this. so that i could reflect on my life. try to put together the pieces that got me this far.
even in the midst of the chaos that surrounds me though, there's a calm, steady resolve within me. there's this knowing that i'm at where i want to be in life, that i'm with the person i want to grow old with. knowing this is all that most can ask for in life, i'm humbled by the reality that i really haven't done much to deserve it.
and as i walk down the aisle this sunday, i know that the person who's waiting on the other side knows me - all of me - and loves me - for who i am. and while it seems as though i'm relinquishing my independence to become a mrs., i'm certain that it's only the beginning of my being truly free, to be me, inside and out.
i feel ever so vulnerable yet ever so indomitable. | | |
| rebirth of xanga :)
it's my third week of school, here at brooklyn law, and already i have conformed to a perfunctory routine of a nerd. it's really not supposed to be as bad as i make it sound; law school students do find time to socialize but with a wedding to plan, i've no time to waste. unlike typical students who only have classes to worry about, i've got a weekend full of work hours, which detracts from my studies, a horrific commute of an hour each way everyday, and a series of debates with the fiance concerning our big day, which is a month away.
on one hand, it's only one day of my life; the enormity of expenses that go into a wedding makes me wonder why i ever wanted to have a traditional wedding. on the other hand, it is precisely because it's only one day of my life that i want it to be memorable, despite the onslaught of stress that comes with the competitive nature of law school. for example, after getting home at about 9 p.m. last night, and reviewing civil procedure until about 11 p.m., i stayed up until 1 a.m. working on name cards for our guests, watching an episode of "closer." btw, thank God for DVR and for my fiance who makes sure my favorite shows get recorded.
in the midst of everything, i must concede that i am enjoying my "stressful" journey of life to the extent that one can in my situation. frankly, i've been one to rather relish in "busy-ness" than idleness. and despite my cynical tendencies, especially when it came to love and relationships, i've never been so sure about my decision to marry james and become a mrs. rosemari lee. my preparation for this wedding has also revealed to me the tremendous support my friends are willing to give, those whom i want to make sure i don't take for granted.
at the end of the day, it's just law school. it's just a wedding. i don't want to lose myself and those who are important to me as i focus exclusively on these two things at the expense of the greater picture - of God, my family, my friends, and all that comprises me outside of being a nerd and a bride.
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| it's been about a year and half since i've come to jcf. when i first came to jcf, i was completely broken, having barely survived a destructive relationship and was at a complete loss of my identity.
in retrospect, it seems that because i was so unsatisfied with where i was in life and who i was at the time, i sought to rebuild my identity by assembling a "rosemari" that i was not. every women at jcf whom i deemed respectable and loving (and pure and graceful and proper and even domesticated), i sought to emulate. because i didn't respect or love myself, everybody else who wasn't me seemed to be doing and having it better. a self-effacing process had begun.
LOL. WHO WAS I KIDDING...
my constant struggle to re-commit my life to God during the past year and a half wasn't always pretty but it never ceased to move forward; and during the process somehow, i've grown to respect and love who i am - for who i am, including all my idiosyncrasies, imperfections and craziness. i've learn to be more honest with myself and also with others, revealing my genuine self. and i can honestly say, i've been happier these days than i ever have been since i've first come to joy.
although it seems that i figured this out all on my own, i know that it's God who secured this love and confidence in me. i'm grateful.
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| my friend yuri would post xanga posts daily, counting down to her website launch date and every time i read her post, i'm reminded of my LSAT date !! her website launches tomorrow and my LSAT is this saturday. so please pray for us :D
www.glassbyyuri.com
check it out !!!
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| jenny's party for the bridesmaids :) sumin-michelle-ivana-jane-jenny(the bride-to-be)-jinsun-olivia-me-suzy  
 me & suzy
 awww, jenny! so happy for you ! whooooohoo ~
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